5 posts tagged “bereavement”
I am looking forward to seeing it. Part of my interest is that AAA has provided a "trip tik" of the route the women drove so that viewers can follow it too!
Tonight a group of eight of us got together, all that were in town and who could. These are members of our support group, which meets weekly at the Chicago Botanic Garden. Most have lost their spouse to illness, sudden or slow; some have also lost a parent recently.
This was an unusual gathering for us, more a social activity than a regular support group session. We had a fine dinner (my wife was hostess) and then tried our hand at bocce (all for the first time) or bowling (for the first time in decades). It was a great way to spend the anniversary of my Barbara's death (and the same week of the anniversary of the loss of the husband of another member).
Individual bereavement counseling or support groups are very often available through an area hospice. Usually there is no charge for participation. I would urge anyone experiencing or knowing of such a loss to make contact and find out about resources in their area.
We had a good, really a wonderful time. And our young waitress (a graduate student in psychology) whose father passed away a year ago for a time joined in our discussion. She understood, as not everyone always does, that the holidays are generally difficult for those who have experienced a painful loss.
So we celebrated the end of the holiday season by drinking some wine, eating a really good dinner, and tossing a ball. It was a fine evening in great company on the anniversary of a terrible loss.
Now all that is done--for another year.
Tonight a group of six of us got together for an early New Year's dinner, and the toast offered was "here's to the people we have lost, and here's to the people we have found."
That was an appropriate and a touching tribute, as each of us has lost a spouse. (Five from some cancer, one from heart difficulties) And all six of us have found a new partner, forming three new couples.
Perhaps that is kind of a rare achievement! It grew out of our bereavement support group, which meets weekly. Even in the midst of sorrow, new couples can form. Indeed, someone else who has suffered a loss is often the easiest person to be with: there is less need for "pretending."
But the people "lost" are not only the partner who died. It isn't unusual that friends, sometimes family members, become estranged or more distant following a death--just when the surviving partner needs support the most! But, if you are lucky, you may eventually "find" people, often new people, who are in fact supportive and who can help you to build a new life.
It is painful, it is damaging, but it also is a kind of "growth" experience.
We six have been so fortunate, to have our new partners, and also to have the friendship of each other.
I am a little bummed by the "mergerization" of all of the holidays (holy-days) from Halloween to New Year's. Christmas items were out so early! I wish each of the days was understood and celebrated separately, each in its own way.
But of course the holiday season is painful for many who (like us) have lost close family members, the people who used to be part of any such celebration. Still, Connie and I are very glad to have each other, going into this sadly dreary (for us) season.
Connie and I first went out to dinner on April 2nd, 2004. (She is much better at remembering these events than I am!) We went to a restaurant that was closer to her house than mine, as it turned out, but one I had suggested because my father had liked it. He had sometimes met with ham radio buddies there.
I did not consider it a "big event" at the time, although I was very glad to have her company. But, now that it turns out that we later got married--3 1/2 years later--it certainly does seem like it was a momentous, an important, event in both of our lives.
What did we eat? I don't remember. But we did offer each other good company!
This was about 15 months after Barbara had died (1/03). I had been quite ill in much of the interim.
Connie and I met in a bereavement support group, and had liked each other. I felt quite a lot of trust in her.
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